Banned from zoo.
Again?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
