I wish you could order shots online.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
