remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize