I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
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Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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