I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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