a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
