Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
