But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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