yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Michael Bay diarrhea
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
