that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Randomize
