Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
