so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just want to make out with him forever
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
