I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
