During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
