I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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