woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
even my farts smell like vagina
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
