i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
