I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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