Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
