I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Randomize