for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
