Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
