i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize