I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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