There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
