I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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