$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
