I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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