I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
