I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
