i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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