My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
