She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
