I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
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I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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