Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
