from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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