Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
