Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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