I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
