she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
