ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
