Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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