Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Are we still banned from the library?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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