How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
