This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize