This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
