So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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