Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
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he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
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Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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