we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
