I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
