she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
