Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
