I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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