his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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