Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
