We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
