Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
