turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
