Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
