the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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