So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I wish there were birth control emojis
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i am craving dick and cupcakes
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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