i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
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Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
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He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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