we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
