I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
