Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
