we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
