My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
