I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
