Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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