There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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