Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
