I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
