So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Randomize
