whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
