New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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