There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
