I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
