Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
