It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
