weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
