how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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