I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
