i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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