Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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