allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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