Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
